The People Who Shaped My Career (And the Ones Who Taught Me What Not to Do)

 

People ask me sometimes,  how did you learn what you know? Where did you get your approach to work, to teams, to leadership?

Honestly? Most of it didn't come from a course or a book. It came from people. Leaders who crossed my path at the right, or wrong,  moment. And I think it's worth talking about, because we don't say this enough: the leader you work for can change the entire trajectory of your career.

 

The One Who Told Me the Truth

Early in my career, I received feedback that stung. A leader sat across from me and told me, plainly, that I wasn't paying enough attention to detail. That my work was good in the big picture, but I was missing things, small things that mattered.

I remember leaving that conversation feeling deflated. Maybe even a little humiliated. I had worked hard. I thought I had done well.

But here's the thing, that leader was right. And more importantly, they cared enough to say it to my face instead of working around me or simply writing me off.

That moment rewired something in me. I became someone who checks, and double-checks. Someone who reads the fine print. Someone who knows that the details are the work. I carry that feedback with me to this day, and I'm genuinely grateful for it. Not every leader has the courage to give you the truth. That one did.

 

The One Who Let Me Watch

A little later, I had the privilege of working closely with a leader who did something unusual, he took me under his wing. Not just to delegate tasks, but to show me how he worked.

For a couple of weeks, I was essentially a shadow. I sat in his meetings. I watched how he walked into a room, how he listened before he spoke, how he chose his words carefully depending on who he was talking to. I saw how he handled tension without letting it become conflict. I noticed how his employees felt seen by him, not managed, but genuinely seen.

He didn't give me a manual. He just let me observe. And somewhere in that quiet apprenticeship, I absorbed things I couldn't have learned any other way: the language of leadership, the rhythm of a well-run conversation, the power of presence.

I still catch myself, sometimes, handling a difficult moment and thinking — this is how he would have done it.

 

The One Who Believed in Me

Then there was the leader who handed me space and said, essentially, go build something.

He trusted me with real responsibility, projects, programs, the freedom to try things that hadn't been tried before. He didn't micromanage. He didn't second-guess every decision I made. He made clear what success looked like and then got out of my way.

That kind of trust is rare. And it does something profound to a person. When someone believes in your capacity before you fully believe in it yourself, you rise to meet it. I took risks I might not have taken otherwise. I brought ideas that felt unconventional. Some of them worked beautifully. That season of my career shaped not just my skills, but my confidence.

 

The Ones Who Left Me in the Dark

I want to be honest about the other side, too, because it's just as formative,  just differently.

I've also worked for leaders whose communication was unclear at best, absent at worst. Leaders who couldn't define what they expected from me, who shifted priorities without explanation, who were generous with criticism in private but silent when things went well. Leaders who seemed more interested in protecting their own position than in developing the people below them.

Those experiences were hard. There were stretches where I worked hard and felt invisible. Where I second-guessed myself constantly, not because I was doing something wrong, but because no one was telling me I was doing anything right. Motivation doesn't survive long in a vacuum.

But even those experiences taught me something,  in their own painful way. They showed me exactly the kind of leader I never want to be.

 

What I've Come to Believe

Leadership is not a title. It's a responsibility, and a daily one.

The people who report to you are not just resources to be allocated, they are careers in the making. They are people who will carry forward, for the rest of their professional lives, the habits, the standards, and the confidence, or the wounds, that you gave them.

That leader who pointed out my blind spot? He didn't have to do that. The leader who let me shadow him didn't have to invest that time. The leader who gave me room to grow didn't have to take that risk on me. They chose to. And because they chose to, I became better at what I do.

That's what good leadership looks like. Not perfection, just intention. Honesty. A genuine interest in the growth of the person in front of you.

Thank you to those who shaped my leadership style, I am sure you know who you are; and, if you lead people, I hope this is a small reminder: you matter more to their story than you probably realize. Use that well.